The Life of a Pro-Abortionist
The life of a pro-abortionist
by Raymond Floyd
art by marty kelley
"A PRO-ABORTION philosophy is the antithesis of a just and humane society. The victims are always children and their mothers. The unborn child loses the chance to have a life and the mother risks being physically, mentally, and emotionally hurt for life," says Pro-Life Victoria, a network of individuals who "care deeply about the deaths of their preborn brothers and sisters."
However, Pro-Life Victoria fails to recognize the long, hard battle that pro-abortion advocates face from day to day. In fact, after exactly two minutes of soul searching (which included a ten-second intermission in which I ate a Cheeto), I myself decided to fall over to the pro-abortion side.
I flew to Tallahassee and began picketing in front of St. Marys with my sign that screamed out "KILL MORE BABIES!!"
Soon, people began shouting from their cars, "Get the hell out off the sidewalk you fucking Liberal Democrat Pro-Choice Nut!!"
"I am PRO-ABORTION, not pro-choice. Thank you very much, sir indeed!!" I said proudly.
A pregnant woman strolled past me.
"Kill your baby, ma'am?"
"Kill your baby."
"Um...no," she said and walked away.
The poor girl looked to be about 15.
"A pox on your panhandle you purveyors of pro-life propaganda!"
A Suburu swerved to hit me. I dove onto the church lawn.
If Gov. Chiles hadn't vetoed it, Florida law would have required a minor to have written consent from at least one parent or guardian in order to receive an abortion. The argument from the pro-abortion side was that it took away precious minutes that could have been better used for inserting cold steel rods and suction hoses into young girls' vaginas. It became blatantly clear to me that I would need others to back me up in my crusade to destroy anything dwelling in a fluid sac and not paying rent.
South Florida is home to Benjamin Surgical Services, a gynecology surgical center that offers abortions for all stages of pregnancy, even into the third trimester. Typically, if a young woman does not have at least a 2.5 grade average by her third trimester, neither her nor her baby can get into college. Again, it seems that the pro-abortion side has the most logical argument as far as terminating pregnancies, and, despite what Pro-Life Victoria may say about the devastating emotional effects of abortion, BSS has it that the mild depression after the abortion procedure is merely the effect of "low hormone levels."
As I walked towards the doors of BSS I saw a young woman sitting on the sidewalk, weeping.
"Forgive me sir. I have extremely low hormone levels right now. But once they reach a normal level I plan on turning cartwheels in the parking lot to celebrate my squeaky clean womb."
I turned on my heel and reached for the door, but it flung outward as about 20 girls ranging from ages 15 to 22 leapt out into the beautiful Florida sunshine.
"WE HAVE NORMAL HORMONE LEVELS AGAIN!!" they exclaimed in unison. One of them grabbed a tambourine and led the rest in a conga line down the street.
We pro-abortion activists, like California Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer, have been supporting the ideals of abortion since the first underground abortion clinic "A Couple Swift Kicks To The Uterus" opened in Pennsylvania in 1888. Times have changed since then, and nowadays, an abortion is safer than carrying the child to term.
In other words: life kills.
But what about partial birth abortions?, some will ask. A technique which Ohio law states as "purposely inserting a suction device into the fetus to the remove the brain"?
That's a really good question.
Anyway, please support the pro-abortion cause by sending your letters to this magazine. No one on this planet is any better off for having been born. Except for myself and my mom and my girlfriend. And those guys that made South Park. And maybe Charles Grodin. But after that a line has to be drawn somewhere.
Email your feedback on this article to email@example.com.